The Keychain

Anyone who has experienced the Melvis knows what a fashion conscious person he is. Always dresses sharp for a performance, and he knows how to accessorize. What I would consider the mainstay of the Melvis outfit is his distinctive keychain. Always worn on the loop of his pants, the keychain jingle lets you know when greatness has entered the room.

Well, as a visitor to the Melvis Fan Club, you now get the inside scoop on the constituent parts of this unique artifact:




Moving counter-clockwise from the left, we see that Mel has his priorities in order. First and foremost, we need food to live. We see that he keeps his "Jewel-Osco Preferred Card" and his "Dominicks Fresh Values Card" at the ready. It's really no surprise that Melvis has memberships to these exclusive clubs.

Another elite group is the "Ace Helpful Hardware Club". Not being a member myself, I don't know if this is the type of club Captain Caveman carried or if it's a membership group, but certainly when you have the massive fame that Melvis has, a large club might be helpful in fending off the fans.

Next, we see how hip the Melvis is with his stylish "94.7 the Zone" bottle opener. When Melvis sings, he sticks to the classics, but as for cruising in his ride, he rocks out to the newest rock around.

Rounding out the key cards is a "Speedway Speedy Rewards", the bronzed "Firestone Mastercare" card, and "Schaumburg Automedics, inc."

We assume that the keys are to his house, the Escalade, and the Porshe, but Mel's personal belongings remain a closely guarded secret. So next time you see him, give him a nod and flash your Jewel card. Members only.